Making Gay Friends and Meet Girls: the best help guide to Successful Queer Socializing | Autostraddle

Y’all have some issues satisfying gay folks. We know this simply because as long as we have now had homogay ‘internet presences’ you have been asking all of us steps to make queer friends/meet girls. We Have Now
responded you, occasionally

But apparently not periodically enough:

Although Laneia is sure she’s the sole lesbian in Phoenix (i am good this is not so, some body kindly back myself right up for the responses), most of us right here on group Autostraddle have a comparatively healthy posse of queer friends. Or perhaps it seems that means once we build for homogay events/marches/parties/prides tri-annually.

We feel totally lucky because of this and therefore we have now decided to get the soldiers and answer the question “how do I satisfy different queers?” once and for all.


+ if you are searching for a response towards concern “Best ways to hit on chicks?”, we’ve an article for the:

Ideas on how to Get Girls


+ thinking about “How do I date a chick?” We an article for this:

10 Easy Procedures For Precisely Courting a Lesbian


+ interested in getting a woman to sleep more than? Coincidentally, we’ve got a write-up regarding, as well:

8 measures Every female usually takes to obtain a lady to Sleep Over


+ enthusiastic about discussing a special snack along with your unique new friend/’special’ friend?

Top Snacks


Do you want? Let us start.

At work:


: Purchase EMPLOYMENT! No really. Go get a career. It doesn’t need getting
a gay job
. Though I’ve had those. Tasks when you look at the directly community tend to be teeming with undercover gays. If you notice a printer jam, wait approx 2 minutes & most probably a gay lady will arrive to correct. In my opinion, standard ol’ tasks are usually ideal spots to fulfill various other gay women, whether for friendsies, FWB, or future lover product. If you’ll find thinner pickins’ at the work, all the healthier.

Fit for a Femme

: go out in which everyone function, if applicable. Some body i understand just met a fairly thing to chew on that way not too long ago.


: If
your own work colleagues realize you’re a homogay
, they are going to virtually positively try to familiarizes you with or set you right up employing homosexual cousin/sister/bff/roommate/etc.

Concerts for Queer Musicians



I’ve came across nearly all my personal queer friends at
. Gay girls tend to be relatively serious about supporting their particular local gay performers, therefore get consider many shows. In the event the town provides an all-female musical organization then which is an effective place to begin, their own shows will probably be filled up with possible queer pals. I think it is easiest to create friends making use of musicians on their own since you already have reasons to strike right up a conversation together: to inform them which you enjoyed their tv series. Question them if they’re playing after that, and visit this one as well. Simply keep displaying.

Join any Club/Team That’ll

Have you ever as a Member

Intern Hot Laura


Have you got a

motorcycle co-op

in your area? We guess you will do, and I guess you can find a lot of attractive girls playing around with motorcycle grease on their noses. Even if you do not fulfill anyone, you’re able to learn to develop a motorcycle and is kind of like holding around a much lighter in case a lovely lady wants lighting only better since you reach arrive their particular their particular relief and correct their own broken tire.


: Join a

book pub


writing class


DIY picture taking workshop

– in reality, DIY anything works.


Visit the

roller derby

Every one of the queer girls are in the roller derby. All of them. Roller derby is wall-to-wall lesbians and that I’ve witnessed countless girls strike upwards brand new relationships while watching a-game. It really is really simple to accomplish because if there is something that roller derby fans love, it is sharing their understanding of the online game with novices. Therefore if there is a team in your area, get see them play. Saddle up beside a team of sexy ladies for the committing suicide seating (in which the serious fans remain) and have them to explain the regulations for you. I believe you are going to earn some brand-new pals in no time.

On the net

We now have cited the net several times once the simplest way to meet up with different gays. Clearly this IS the internet, so we’re biased, but we have located a lot of our very own buddies right here, or via Riese’s past blog sites (that’s where the majority of the group arises from — visitors of her weblog in addition to buddies she found through people, etc).
We hear OKCupid is something
, additionally.

Intern Emily


Find some one on autostraddle exactly who life in your area. Provide them with your e-mail. Decide on a walk. Walks tend to be complimentary.


: it might be different now, but back when I happened to be an infant (23) we taken care of immediately an advertising on craigslist w4w by a female exactly who said she ended up being bi, decided to go to Columbia, played football, enjoyed ‘420′ and needed some other looking for bi girls to visit out with and be buddies and brave the terrifying queer globe together. The first occasion we found it actually was absurdly uncomfortable it had gotten gradually much better all the way to “more comfy than I am with anyone, actually.” We’ve been through a lot with each other — plenty life levels! — therefore’re still pals now, and it’s through her intrepid internet based friend-gathering that I came across Lainy, whom came across my
now-best-friend Haviland
on friendster after which invited the girl to something which I found myself in addition at, that will be how I came across Haviland. So! The purpose of this will be:
craigslist could possibly be something
? The key to it becoming non-intimidating was that individuals both earnestly wanted brand new buddies, yannow?


: discover a queer woman just who produces a weblog with lots of emotions and deliver the woman e-mails concerning your emotions. Read books. If the queer girl with a blog starts an online mag, help their. Accost men and women on gchat. If the queer woman with a blog has parties and introduces you to definitely her buddies, end up being great in their eyes and say situations along with your mouth area and sight. If a person ones is specially nice, compose all of them a message and be their own friend. Be really honest and get lots of anti-anxiety medication. Aren’t getting an alternate way of living haircut unless you actually want to. Purchase one v-neck. Smile.

Intern Emily

Begin a blog
. Write-in it for just two decades. Just take a 3-day hiatus then ask for people in the town to email you.


Begin a blog
after which
create an online site
following employ individuals to be your friends free-of-charge.


Put “queer-friendly” or “LGBT friendly” in your craigslist article additionally the ladies can come a-runnin’, with plenty of homosexual pals of their own in tow. You eliminate like 40 wild birds with one material and that can tune in to Tegan & Sara



In A Women’s Studies/Gender Reports Class

You can check this index of
LGBT/Queer Studies programs
at colleges throughout the country! You also should be involved in course. The girls who participate include hottest.



Ladies scientific studies classes are a fantastic destination to satisfy ladies: everybody’s mostly a feminist already to help you have brainsexy discussions, which are an excellent option for continuing in bars after class. Watch your self with those hot profs, though.

At your LGBT Campus Group in university or high-school

This really is Taylor’s NYU LGBT Cluster


: In school, before I was extremely out or strongly identified, I began nervously going to some events presented by all of our college’s LGBT office. Fast forward a-year and I also was actually operating on-campus queer workshops every week, and that I’d scored a massive posse of enthusiastic forward-thinking activist gays, just like that! Before we struggled to obtain our very own LGBT office I felt very shy at queer events, anytime the school has actually a working LGBT organization, deciding on signing up or applying and dive right in. The LGBT office turned into an additional house, which had been ideal for between-class naps and conference hotties, naturally.

Intern Emily

: Go to your class’s queer pub. It’ll be embarrassing. You will go on a lunch big date with a cute woman which brings the woman sweetheart. You could earn some pals though.

Gay Bars and Gay Events!

Demonstrably this could be an intimidating scenario, but plenty of getting-to-know-other-girls at these pubs wont occur with one preliminary shameful see. You must return. And get back. And get back. And finally you should have no choice but to feel comfy indeed there, since it is someplace you decide to go alot. Subsequently perchance you will keep in touch with complete strangers or get 25 visitors to kiss you to suit your 25th birthday. It’s a thing, you can keep rating in your supply with a pen. If you’re in nyc,
GO mag contains the the majority of extensive, up to date bar/event lists

Intern Emily

: Go to a gay club. Get truly inebriated and talk to everybody.


If you are within gay bar or lesbian night, could think thoughts like ‘nobody here desires keep in touch with myself’ or ‘everyone right here has a girlfriend’ or ‘why tend to be lesbians therefore intimidating’ and also you need certainly to control all those emotions and include all of them with a unique experience hence brand new sensation is ‘whatis the worst thing that can take place, I’ll get rejected?’ and that I LEARN I KNOW I UNDERSTAND that appears petrifying, as if being declined will be the worst thing that could previously happen to you as a person existence. But it is really maybe not — the self-confidence is actually sexier than the outfit is ever going to end up being, and ladies are very odd as well as have so many issues/reasons to potentially decline you that you can’t get any one rejection privately. Just create eye contact. Say hi. It doesn’t need to be intimate. Picture yourself within her sneakers and contemplate how you’d wish their to approach you.


: Don’t be a scaredy cat! visit a bar/club/show alone. Indeed, this is why We found my spouse 5.68 years back.

Some General Recommendations


Sarah Croce

: I had previously been bashful. My personal response? Develop some. Figure out what is awesome about you and with confidence strike up conversations with random people. They do not need to be gay. Quite often you’ll find many ladies tend to be bi, or interesting, or have gay friends. Straight everyone loves to tell you they will have homosexual buddies and always think you really need to hook-up with these people like there’s a gay drought and in purchase to thrive and save your self the lesbian battle most of us should mate feverishly. Its like they don’t really know we can’t procreate. And constantly ask how lesbians make love.


Start Small, Acquire a Lesbian Posse:

Jess Roentgen

: Create your very own Lesbian Posse. You simply require 1 or 2 other homosexual friends to start out – tell them to ask some other queers they are aware (without having any homosexual buddies – they actually do!) and approach little occasions for yourselves like meal at an apartment, movie evening, bowling night, ski/hiking excursion, etc. allow it to be a weekly thing so you always have one thing to enjoy so when the days pass the lesbian phone forest will grow lengthier and longer and after a few several months you’ll have your own Lesbian Posse.


Be Brave:

Intern Emily

: Unfortunately, fulfilling new people implies you should be fearless and method all of them and consult with all of them and discover items to explore and spend a lot of time obsessing about what to put on, etc. It really is a lot of personal anxiety while might choose to require some supplements for this, but, you really feel really good after.


Be Traditional and Investment Outside The Comfort Zone:


: Get away from the safe place. I listen to countless ladies worrying about how it’s all the same people, exactly the same ladies, wah-wah-wah. Drive to a regional town, just take that train underwater, motorcycle it, shuttle it, but do not anticipate to satisfy new, exciting women performing equivalent crap that featuresn’t struggled to obtain at this point.

In addition, be traditional. Imagine there is internet and don’t forget what it’s like to be polite and gracious and real IRL, and extend genuine invites and develop actual long lasting relationships. It is easy for factors to drop through splits with internet-based connections; they should be nurtured for reals. Becoming old-fashioned reminds all of us a small amount of what it takes in order to maintain the sorts of relationships we want!


Gays tend to be almost everywhere:


: recall in

The Wizard of Oz

in which Dorothy knows that just what she was looking for was in her backyard/home/heart the complete time? You happen to be a gay person, and you also like to carry out things/go spots. Chances are high various other homosexual individuals in addition enjoy these things/places and tend to be most likely currently there! Search your job/library/capoeira class/favorite coffeeshop/yarn store/whatever and most likely you’ll find queer individuals there. Like really, if there are other than 10 people in this building it is mathematically very likely that might be somebody else there who’s also a huge gaymo. You just have to be courageous and talk to individuals rather than be shy about getting gay yourself; they’ll likely be really relieved and answer in kind.


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